Abuse is a behavior that stems from the attitude of objectifying human beings - feeling entitled to control and hold power over others. Objects are cold, static, emotionless, and can be manipulated. Objects are not vulnerable, humans are. If you try to fit a living being into your ideas and disregard their real human experience, you’ll probably hurt them. Living beings are meant to be related to - and not be used.
Abusive behaviour by others is often internalised, thus, sometimes we tend to objectify ourselves in anticipation to be objectified by others. Perfectionism is an example of that - striving for unrealistic standards is a way to maintain power and control over one's image and behaviour. It's harmful.
If you’re not sure whether you can spot abuse or self-abuse, here are some common examples. We invite you to notice how you feel as you read them and take pauses if you have to.
Passive-aggressive comments:
Insisting or implying that the person doesn’t know what they’re talking about:
Spiritual bypassing - shaming or guilt-tripping others for having "lower consciousness/vibration:"
Dismissing experience:
Lecturing:
Labeling or naming others' experiences for them:
Sarcasm:
Name-calling:
Shaming:
Criticising and humiliating:
Accusing or blaming:
Assuming to know what the other is feeling/ thinking:
Prioritising performance and productivity over well-being:
Perfectionism: shaming or punishing someone for making mistakes and insisting them to "never do that again."
Dogmatism and rigidity: this is how it is because I said so or because God said so.
Toying with connection/disconnection:
Manipulation:
Patronising:
Public embarrassment:
How many such attitudes, behaviours or language stems have you heard in your life? I believe that abuse is a vicious circle: we experience subtle abuse from the people we depends on, internalise it as hostile self-talk, and, consequently, end up performing those forms of abuse on the people we perceive to be weaker and more vulnerable than us. This blog post is meant to inform you and be mindful of your language use and what behaviours are more harmful than helpful.
Disclaimer: This blog post is for informational purposes only and does not constitute professional advice. If you are experiencing abuse or manipulation, reach out to a qualified therapist or counselor.
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